Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder of what’s missing in your relationship. When your social media feed is filled with romantic gestures and happy couples, it’s easy to feel isolated, frustrated, or even resentful. If you and your partner are going through a rough patch, valentines day can amplify the tension and leave you feeling even more disconnected. But rather than letting February 14th deepen the divide, you can use it as an opportunity for reflection, understanding, and even take small steps toward reconnecting. Whether in person or through online support, you don’t have to navigate this challenging time alone. 1. Acknowledge Your Feelings (Without Judgment) It’s okay to feel sadness, frustration, or even jealousy when you see happy couples celebrating. Suppressing those emotions won’t help. Instead, take a moment to acknowledge what you’re feeling and why. Are you grieving the loss of closeness? Are you longing for reassurance? Recognising these emotions can help you express them in a way that fosters conversation rather than conflict. Consider journaling your thoughts or talking to a trusted friend about how you feel. The more you understand your emotions, the easier it will be to address them in a constructive way. 2. Set Realistic Expectations If your relationship is in crisis, forcing a picture-perfect Valentine’s Day may only lead to disappointment. Instead of pressuring yourself to live up to romantic ideals, focus on what feels manageable and meaningful. That might mean agreeing to a simple, pressure-free evening or even deciding to skip it altogether in favour of working on deeper issues. Sometimes, lowering expectations can ease tension. Instead of planning an extravagant date night, consider doing something simple together, like watching a favourite movie or cooking a meal at home. Small, shared moments of connection can be just as valuable as grand gestures. 3. Communicate Honestly (But Gently) Rather than pretending everything is fine or avoiding the day altogether, have an open conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling. Expressing your concerns with honesty and kindness can help create space for connection. Instead of blaming or criticising, try using “I” statements when communicating: “I feel sad when I see other couples celebrating because I miss feeling that way with you.” “I know things have been hard between us, and I’d like to find a way to make today feel a little lighter.” Even if your partner isn’t ready to engage, sharing your feelings calmly can help you feel heard. If verbal communication feels difficult, consider writing your partner a note expressing your thoughts without pressure or expectation. 4. Avoid Comparisons It’s easy to assume that other couples are happier, more in love, or have it all figured out. But social media only shows the highlights, not the reality. Many couples who appear perfect in public have their own struggles going on behind closed doors. Instead of focusing on what others have, try shifting your attention to what you and your relationship need right now to start the healing journey. If social media is making you feel worse, consider taking a break from scrolling for the day. Instead, redirect your energy into something that nourishes you emotionally, whether that’s reading a book, practising mindfulness, or engaging in a hobby you love. 5. Focus on Small Acts of Kindness Even if things feel tense, small gestures of kindness can go a long way. A simple “thank you,” a compliment, or an act of thoughtfulness—like making your partner a cup of tea or leaving a kind note—can create moments of connection, even in difficult times. Consider reflecting on what initially brought you and your partner together in the first place. Recalling happy memories and shared experiences may help remind you both of the foundation you once had. You don’t have to fix everything overnight, but small steps can help rebuild trust and your connection to each other. 6. Prioritise Self-Care If your relationship is in turmoil, Valentine’s Day can feel emotionally draining. It’s important to take care of yourself, whether that means spending time with supportive friends, journaling, or engaging in activities that bring you comfort. Your well-being matters, regardless of your relationship status. Practicing self-compassion is key. If you find yourself feeling lonely or overwhelmed, remind yourself that you are worthy of love and care, even if your relationship is struggling. Consider treating yourself to something that makes you feel good—whether that’s a relaxing bath, a walk in nature, or a favourite meal. 7. Consider Professional Support If your relationship is in crisis, seeking guidance from a qualified couples counsellor can help provide a safe space to work through your struggles. Counselling can help you understand underlying patterns, improve communication, and rebuild connections. Online couples counselling offers a flexible, accessible, and effective way for you and your partner to receive professional support from the comfort of your home. Virtual sessions provide the convenience of accessing therapy on your schedule, making it easier to prioritise your relationship. Many online therapy platforms offer couples counselling tailored to relationship challenges, helping you and your partner work through issues at your own pace. Key benefits include: Convenience & Flexibility  – Schedule sessions that fit your lifestyle. Comfort & Privacy  – Speak openly in a familiar, secure environment. Effective & Accessible  – Get expert guidance no matter where you are. A Safe Space for Growth  – Strengthen your relationship in a supportive setting. Final Thoughts Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a source of pain, even if your relationship is struggling. By shifting your focus away from expectations and towards honest communication, small gestures of kindness, and self-care, you can navigate the day with greater clarity and compassion. And remember, love isn’t just about grand romantic gestures—it’s about the effort, understanding, and commitment to growing together, even in difficult times. If you and your partner are struggling, know that help is available. Whether through traditional counselling or online therapy, seeking support can provide the guidance you need to rebuild connection and find a path forward. You are not alone in this journey, and taking the first step toward healing is a powerful act of love—both for yourself and your relationship.

Are you finding yourself in the midst of relationship challenges, where it seems like every interaction becomes a source of friction? It's not uncommon for couples to face difficulties, but the key lies in fostering effective communication and minimising conflict. Navigating the dance of communication within a relationship is an art often ignored. Couples face the challenge of forging connections without a blueprint, often lacking guidance from parents or caregivers. Yet, within this challenge lies the opportunity for growth, understanding, and a deeper connection. Enhancing your communication and calming conflicts requires a joint effort and a commitment to respect each other's perspectives. Here are some heartfelt tips to help improve communication and reduce tension: 1. Embrace Active Listening: Communication is a two-way street, and one of the most crucial elements is active listening. Take the time to truly hear what your partner is saying without interrupting. Try to absorb your partner's thoughts and feelings, resisting the urge to interject or rebuff what’s being said. This lays the foundation for open and honest communication. 2. Banish Blame and Judgment: Blame and judgment can act as barriers to effective communication. Instead of pointing fingers, focus on expressing your feelings and needs. Create an atmosphere of mutual understanding, where both partners feel safe sharing their thoughts without the fear of criticism. 3. Maintain Calm and Respect: In the heat of a disagreement, emotions can run high. It's important to maintain a sense of calm and respect for each other. Avoid raising your voice or resorting to hurtful language (I know this can be hard). Keep emotions in check during conversations. If tensions rise, take a break but ensure you communicate when things have calmed. This can help your partner from feeling abandoned and builds an environment where both parties feel heard and respected. 4. Embrace Compromise: Relationships require compromise. Find a middle ground that both partners can agree on, ensuring that neither feels neglected or unheard. Recognise that compromise is often the bridge to resolution. Be open to finding a middle ground that honours both your needs while cultivating a safe space. 5. Take Responsibility for Actions: Owning up to your actions or part in the argument is a sign of love, respect and accountability. If you've made a mistake or contributed to a misunderstanding, acknowledge it. Admit mistakes and say sorry when necessary. Demonstrating vulnerability and accountability can defuse tensions and create space for healing and resolution. 6. Set Communication Boundaries: Establishing clear communication boundaries can help create a healthy dynamic. Discuss what topics are sensitive and agree on how to approach discussions about them. This can help both partners feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear of crossing a line. 7. Focus on Solutions: When conflicts arise, shift the focus from dwelling on the problem to finding solutions. Discuss how you can work together to address the issue at hand. A solution-oriented approach helps move the relationship forward positively. 8. Consider Couples Counselling: Sometimes, seeking professional help is a wise decision. Couples counselling provides a neutral space for both partners to express themselves and learn valuable communication skills. A trained therapist can offer guidance and help you both really hear your partner. In addition to these tips, it's essential to remember that communication is not just about talking but also about listening. Ensure that you give your partner ample space to express their thoughts and feelings without fear or judgment. When you listen actively, you create a safe space for your partner to open up, leading to a deeper understanding and a stronger connection. Remember, your relationship is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach to communication. What works for one couple might not necessarily work for another. So, don't be afraid to experiment and find what works best for you and your partner. As you embark on this journey, embrace each other with open hearts and minds. Communication is not only about resolving conflicts but also about expressing love, affection, and gratitude. Take the time to express your appreciation for your partner and let them know how much you care about them. Good luck Karena

Have you ever been haunted by the relentless whispers of self-doubt, questioning your worth and capabilities? It's time to put an end to the negative self-talk, break free from the suffocating grip of low self-esteem and try to thrive in life not just survive it. Imagine shedding the constant burden of feeling inadequate, of second-guessing every step. Picture saying yes to opportunities without the weight of self-doubt holding you back, embracing experiences, weekend drinks, and even that elusive date. I get it—I've walked that path too. Battling through low self-esteem, I hit rock bottom upon returning to work after my second child. Exhausted and overwhelmed, guilt and self-doubt consumed me. Antidepressants left me feeling numb yet I still felt incredibly anxious most of the time! I was trapped in a cycle of questioning every decision I made, agonising over the smallest detail and yearning for the night, when I could crawl into bed and hibernate for a few hours. But one day, I summoned the courage to contact a local counsellor. She was wonderful, warm, open and she listened as I talked and cried my way through all that was in my head and heart.  During the sessions, I confronted my deepest fears and beliefs about myself. It was so tough, to start with I even felt worse. However, as the sessions continued, I felt the weight of my thoughts lift. What was left behind was a truer, more authentic version of myself. I discovered happiness, realising that I was enough, worthy of both self-love and the love of those around me. Now, I know it's not that easy and in truth, it took me some time to retrain my brain and develop new ways of thinking but I believe you too can silence that nagging voice and rediscover the strength to thrive. Elevating your self-esteem can be a journey into self-discovery, and here are 5 steps that can help you become more confident in your ability and boost your self-esteem. 1. learning to forgive yourself: Acknowledge your imperfections and learning to forgive yourself can be hard, but it’s essential to your emotional health and well-being. Embracing the lessons you gain from making mistakes, instead of dwelling on them, forgiving yourself and moving forward with compassion and understanding. Learning to talk to yourself with the same love and forgiveness you do to a friend can be life-changing. 2. Practice self-love: Self-love is one of the most important aspects of a healthy and happy life. It's essential to take time for yourself, to focus on your well-being, and to practice loving yourself first. By doing this, you'll build a strong foundation of self-worth and confidence. Plus, when you love yourself first, you'll be more likely to make better decisions, hold your boundaries and respect your emotions. So, take a moment today to invest in yourself and practice loving yourself first — you deserve it! 3. Reframe Problems as Opportunities: Try to look at problems or changes as an opportunity to grow and learn.  Rather than focusing on any perceived flaw. Pay attention to your strengths and uniqueness, this will help cultivate a positive mindset. If you are feeling low or the niggling voices are starting to creep in, write down all your accomplishments, strengths, skills or talents. No matter how small. They can serve as a powerful reminder during moments of self-doubt that you are strong, resilient and someone to be proud of. 4. Develop self-trust: I know this can be one of the hardest steps but try and trust your instincts and believe in yourself. Embrace setbacks as opportunities to build resilience and reinforce your self-trust. Confronting disappointments head-on allows you to navigate stress with confidence, and this will in turn rewire your belief system. In time your self-trust will become part of you, and you'll wonder what you ever did without your internal compass. 5. Connect with others: It's easy to get caught up in the daily grind and lose touch with those who matter most. Remember, reaching out doesn't require grand gestures. Prioritise connections with those who really matter to you. Whether that’s family friends or a trusted work college. Simple gestures, like a heartfelt message to someone you haven’t seen for a while or asking a neighbour out for a cup of tea, will strengthen your support system. Reaching out to loved ones enriches your life, providing a valuable network during challenging times. Embracing these steps can be tricky, especially if you are feeling vulnerable but the more you do them the more your self-esteem will strengthen and flourish, propelling you toward a more empowered and fulfilled version of yourself. In reality, cultivating self-esteem is a continuous journey that demands effort. By extending forgiveness and self-compassion to yourself, celebrating even the smallest victories, and embracing your authentic self—warts and all—you pave the way for genuine self-empowerment. It's a process where self-love and acceptance intertwine, creating a foundation for lasting confidence and personal growth. Good luck and you’ve got this! Karena

Are you considering counselling or therapy? It's understandable if you're feeling a little overwhelmed by the process of finding the right counsellor. After all, therapy is a personal and intimate experience that requires trust and a good fit between you and your counsellor. But don't worry, with some careful consideration and research, you can find a counsellor who is right for you. One of the first things to consider is the type of counselling or therapy you need. There are so many approaches to therapy, and each is designed to help with specific issues or concerns. Some of the most common types of therapy include Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT), psychodynamic therapy, humanistic or person-centred therapy, and integrative therapy. Reading up on these methods can help you understand which one might be best suited to your needs. It's also important to consider if you would like a counsellor who specialises in a specific area. Different counsellors have expertise or experience in different areas, such as addiction, relationships, depression, anxiety, or trauma. If you have a specific issue or concern that you're seeking help with, it's a good idea to look for a counsellor who specialises in that area. This can help ensure that you receive the best service for your needs. Another important factor to consider is the personal connection you have with your counsellor. Therapy is a collaborative process, and it's essential that you feel comfortable and understood by your counsellor. Take the time to talk to potential counsellors and see if you feel a connection with them. Trust your instincts and don't be afraid to ask questions. Finally, make sure that your counsellor is qualified and registered with a professional ethical body such as the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) or the National Counselling & Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This can help ensure that you receive safe and effective treatment from a professionally trained therapist. You can verify a counsellor's qualifications and registration by checking with their professional organisation or ethical body. In summary, finding the right counsellor is crucial to your mental health and well-being. Take the time to research and consider your options carefully, and don't be afraid to ask questions or trust your instincts. If a prospective counsellor is vague or you feel unsure about them, move on. Find someone who is transparent and has your best interests at heart! With the right counsellor, you should feel safe, comfortable, and well-supported as you work towards a healthier and happier you. #findtherightfit #itsyourchoice #selfprotection #selfcare #counselling #karenaortoncounselling